“For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.” (James 3:2).
A perfect (mature, complete) man is able to control his tongue. He never offends with his words. The word “offend” means “to cause someone to sin, fail, error, fall, or stumble.” Have your words ever caused any of these?
By growing up and becoming men, we will change the way we speak. “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” (1 Corinthians 13:11). We must put away speaking like a child.
The tongue is an extremely powerful influence. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” (Proverbs 18:21). A man’s tongue should bring life to the hearers.
No Christian man should use his tongue to swear, curse, use God’s name in vain, blaspheme the Lord Jesus, tell dirty stories, be sarcastic, be short or sharp, be negative and pessimistic, complain or murmur, lie or exaggerate, use profanity, be vulgar, etc. This type of language doesn’t show manhood but a lack of it. The masculine man is the one who can control his body and tongue.
How then should a man speak? The following list and scriptures can serve as a guide:
Speak the truth with love – “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.” (I Corinthians 13:1). “But speaking the truth in love,...” (Ephesians 4:15a).
Speak graciously – “Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” (Colossians 4:6). “The words of a wise man’s mouth are gracious; ” (Ecclesiastes 10:12a). “And all bare him [Jesus] witness, and wondered at the gracious words which proceeded out of his mouth.” (Luke 4:22a).
Speak to build up people (not tear them down) – “But he that prophesieth speaketh unto men to edification, and exhortation, and comfort.” (1 Corinthians 14:3). “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” (Ephesians 4:29).
Speak to comfort – “The Lord God hath given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary:” (Isaiah 50:4a).
Speak softly – “A soft answer turneth away wrath:” (Proverbs 15:1). “By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone.” (Proverbs 25:15).
Speak briefly – “Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few.” (Ecclesiastes 5:2). “In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.” (Proverbs 10:19). “And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you;” (1 Thessalonians 4:11).
Speak with the help of the Holy Spirit – “And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man’s wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:” (1 Corinthians 2:4).
Speak well thought-out words – “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:” (James 1:19).
The key is to be under the control of the Holy Spirit and to have our hearts right with God. The Holy Spirit can control the “untameable” tongue (see James 3:8). He can also help us – by His power – get and keep our hearts right with God. This is all-important to a man “for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh”. (Matthew 12:34b).
